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As seconds run their natural progression and develop into decades it is important that we make it our business to finish what we start.  So often in my personal experience I have found that I would be much further ahead if I had just completed that project, saw that plan through to the end, gave my best to this task.  Even when it was difficult mentally or emotionally, things would have been better had I saw things through to the end, given it my very best, I have the ability to finish what I start.  Each of us has the ability to finish what we start.  Whether it is losing weight, elevating and growing a business, learning a new computer program, finishing a college degree, cleaning the old paper and junk out of the house, we must finish. 

I am not complaining, but I gained so much more time, self-confidence, peace of mind, and truly helped others when I stopped running and 1 task at a time, FINISHED!!!!  The feeling was beyond words.  Doing the small things felt so good, I tackled the big things and now I am finishing even better things – for me.  It is a much better feeling to stop making excuses and watch other people pursue, catch and live their dreams, and watch me pursue and finish my dreams and live them. 

No, I have not done the HUGE things I want to do yet, but I am taking steps and getting closer and closer everyday.

Even a baby step forward, is still a step forward.  Even though it is the end of June, start now, right now, and finish 1 thing you have put down.  Tomorrow do 2.  The next day do 1 or 2 more.  When you push yourself to do what you already know that you can do, you will be astonished to discover that the things you thought you could not do become possible and even easy.

PLANNING FOR ONE’S DEATH MAY BE UNNERVING, BUT IT COULD SPARE LOVED ONE EVEN MORE GRIEF

Death does not discriminate.  So regardless of your faith, fears, fantasies or superstitions about facing “The Grim Reaper,” that final transition is inevitable.  You can make it easier for grief-stricken survivors by providing written information about how you want your “last exit” to be managed.

1.  TALK ABOUT IT.  Americans are squeamish about discussing end-of-life issues, but letting someone know your final wishes about health and money matters and funeral arrangements assures that your wishes will be met.  At www.agingwithdignity.org a vital set of “five wishes” regarding care during illness, funeral arrangements, medical, emotional and spiritual needs can start the conversation.  Let someone know if you want to be kept on life-support indefinitely, if you prefer cremation or if you hate flower wreaths.

2. PUT YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER.  Tell your doctor, ministers, best friend or a responsible adult child if you own a cemetery plot, burial insurance and if you have prepaid funeral expenses.  Your funeral planning information should NOT be in your will, since that may not be found or read until it’s too late.  Organized records of yoru bank accounts, life insurance policies, and the names and numbers of your insurance agent, tax accountant, stockbroker and financial adviser can ease the mourning process for whoever will have to manage your affairs.  If you do online banking and investing, leave a record of the passwords for quick access so final medical bills, utilities and other small fees can be paid until your estate is settled.

Do you have a safe deposit box?  Add names of children/siblings to avoid having your accounts frozen, or mark them as “TOD” (transferable on death) or the accounts will be hit by the banks, court, and, depending upon the value of your estate, the expense of probate.

3.  LEAVE A PAPER TRAIL.  Create a notebook listing the whereabouts of necessary documents for a trusted sibling, attorney or a responsible adult child to manage your affairs.  Let them know where to find your will, living trust, birth certificate, marriage license, divorce decrees, Social Security number, latest tax returns and credit card statements.  If these are in a safe deposit box, a sibling, attorney or a responsible adult child should have joitn ownership for emergency access.  A will also helps quell fights among children, siblings and best friends about who gets what.  Put it all on paper explaining who should get what.

Medical power of attorney – directives regarding extended-care treatment, including “do not resuscitate” orders – should be in writing before you become ill and unable to communicate.  The laws and regulations on living wills and health directives vary from state to state.  All the necessary forms and guidelines can be downloaded, copied and regiled after completion at www.uslivingwillregistry.com

4.   CONTROL COSTS.  Death is big business in America, and in stark moments of grief, wise decisions about costs can be difficult to make.  Do some research on costs at www.finalarrangementsnetwrk.com  Funerals range from $800.00 to $8,000.00, depending upon what you want.  Flowers, car services, chapens and church fees, headstones and monuments can really add up.  Cemetery plots, not included in the undertaker’s bill, may run as high as $8,000.00 in urban areas or only $500.00 in rural locations.

5.  CONSIDER CREMATION.  Donating your body for science and medical students at www.lifequestanatomical.com gets a free cremation, paid for by the institution afterwards, and they return the remains to your family.  If that thought is too unsettling, then a low-cost, no-drama cremation sans casket can be as little as $400.00 not including the cost of the urn, flowers and scattering of ashes. 

Ultimately, few people are prepared for that final departure, but making these preparations can provide peace and serenity to loved ones overseeing the arrangements.

Brooke Stephens is an author and financial adviser in New York City (brookestephens.com) Her latest book is Wealth Happens One Day at a Time.

Both of my parents are retired and disabled.  Daddy is 78 years old.  Mama is 81. Daddy has emphysema, COPD, beginning dementia, glaucoma, and beginning alzheimer’s.  Mama has severe arthritis, cataracts, high blood pressure, and beginning dementia.  I am not complaining.  I’m not even venting.  I am just stating the realities of part of my life.  I love them both and tried to encourage them to practice more responsible behaviors in their younger days.  I cried and begged Daddy to stop smoking all my life.  I begged Mama to exercise more and even bought her a health club membership.  She went only a few times.  In what should be their golden years, their days are filled with medications, therapy, major ordeals of bathing and back to bed.  I love them both and oversee their day to day care.  But much of this could have been prevented. 

I don’t fuss at them now, because that would, in my opinion, be cruel and inhumane, since it would not help either of them.  But I encourage everyone who reads this to do a few things as your parents, elderly friends, or even you age.  It is difficult, so you may have to take it in stages.  But for children, write yourself a checklist of the things you need to know about your parent(s) wishes as they continue to age.  the discussion should be comfortable and relaxed and it may take several conversations.  But you should have the talk and ask some pointed questions.  These should include:   

1.   What medications are they taking?  [Periodically review the medications being taken.  If you have
questions ask the doctor. Are all of those pills necessary? Review side effects.]

2.   Who is their primary doctor? 

3. If they have a serious illness, what is their prognosis and is an alternative treatment possible, better, or available and of interest to your parent[s]?

4.  Get second opinions.  My mother suffered breast cancer because she waited too late and nobody knew about the lumps.  Her regular doctor diagnosed her as being a diabetic and prescribed the meter and insulin.  He also told her to stop drinking all natural juices (I purchased a juicer and she was doing very well) and start drinking frozen juices because the fruit had too much sugar.  I was angry but also suspicious.  We got a second opinion and Mama was and is not now a diabetic.  I had her change doctors and in that respect she is doing much better.  All of her doctors are happy she is on fresh juices not processed and frozen!

5.   If they get to the place where they can no longer live alone, do they want to live with a family member if that is possible, do they want to go into assisted living?

6.   Where are bank accounts located and who is listed on accounts with them, so that funds can be accessed when these decisions need to be made. You may want to enlist the services of an attorney, or at least be aware of who you can contact, if and when this time comes. Each state has different laws. In some state, Michigan is one, all possessions must be sold before a person can get assistance from the State fund to help with nursing home care expenses. Then all income, pension, retirement, and whatever else is available, must be relinquished to the nursing home every month.

7.   Do they want to be placed on life support, should their health push them to that level?

8.    Who do they want to be their spokesperson if that time comes?  A child, sibling, pastor, family friend, family member? Remember it is ultimately their decision if they are able to make the decision.

9.   What type of funeral/memorial service/cremation do they want?

10. Do they have life insurance? 

11.  How much? 

12.   Who is beneficiary and where is policy?

13. Where are their bank accounts?

This is not being morbid. It is being practical. Your parents may surprise you and be relieved that you are enough to put things in place so that they are comfortable when they get older. I speak from some experience becuase I was thrust into all of this overnight. I had some help from some family, but ultimately, I ended up by myself, making hard choices for my parents, with no input from them. I encourage you to be wise, be practical, be loving, be attentive, so that when the day comes, you will be prepared.

More than anything else, spend time with them and love them.  You won’t get tomorrow by wishing.  You won’t get yesterday by regretting.  You have today.  15 minutes a few times a week is better than 2 hours once a month.  Do what you can and be sure they always know you love them.

I am working on a book (Yes, another one) about this to offer direction and suggestions.

Negotiation is an art form as well as a skill.  Somebody once said that “In life you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.”  Personally, I have found that to be true.  There is a lot to negotiation that I have to share with you, but for now, let me give you some fine points that have helped me and others in business and on a personal level.

1. Join yourself with people who share your values.  It is difficult at best and impossible at worst to negotiate with someone who believes that any practice, rule or policy is acceptable, no matter who it hurts as long as the desired results are achieved – unless you are that kind of person too.  I am not judging anybody, just making a statement that the same character and mindsets have to exist.  Specifically, if you are in negotiations with someone and you don’t believe that you should lie, sacrifice quality, make hidden changes, or steal from the other person, and they believe that they should do these things, negotiations will not be successful.  No two people are exactly alike, and business requires toughness.  But toughness and cutthroat are not spelled the same way and are not the same practices.
2. Learn all you can about the other person.  This underscores number one.  Learn about how the other party does business.  This is relatively easy to find out.  I can’t tell you how, because there are many ways to do so and you have to find the best way for you.  But somebody knows!  Find out how they do what they do and that will tell you whether or not you even want to enter into negotiations with them.
3. Always have an option.  With the internet and global partners on our desktops, very, very few of us are locked in to just one door or one way or one person.  Before you start negotiating, find at least one alternative.  You don’t necessarily have to let it  be known, but take it from someone who knows, when you have at least one option, don’t take what you can get, and the proceedings for your part are not handled in desperation but in confidence.
4. You have limits.  You have a bottom line.  Determine what that is and stick to it.  Be prepared to walk away if you cannot get what you absolutely must have.  Don’t be a baby, and there is something called compromise.  But if you have to give up your ultimate goal, whatever that may be, the meeting is over.
5. You have just as much right as the other person to set the tone of the meeting or meetings.  Let the atmosphere be cooperation, not conflict.  You don’t want a fight.  You want a successful outcome.
6. No matter what, don’t show fear.   No matter how intimidated you may feel, don’t be afraid.  “Never Let Them See You Sweat.”  You don’t have to be afraid of anything or anyone.  Remember your purpose for being there.
7. Listen a lot.  We have one mouth, and two ears.  There is a reason.  Take comfort and confidence in silence.  It is okay to wait for your inner voice, conscience, or whatever you call it to speak to you.  It is okay to listen.
8. If you are offered something totally unreasonable, end the meeting.  It is a waste of your time and theirs to argue about something that they propose that you know right away is totally out of the question.  When the horse is dead, bury it, don’t keep beating it.
9. Continue to remind the other party of your concessions.  They already know theirs.  You are not there to negotiate what is best for them, you are there to negotiate what is best for you.
10. ALWAYS LET THEM TALK FIRST!  In closing, I will share with you a true story.  A man had built his business from nothing, then when it started losing money, decided to sell.  He carefully looked at his investment of time, money and good will and believed he could get no more than $50,000.00.   He was losing money anyway so he decided to take what he could get and retire.  When it was time for the meeting, he was prepared to tell the participants his price but at the last minute changed his mind and let them talk first.  The spokesperson pointed out the poor performance of his company, how long he had been losing money and what a big favor they were doing by entertaining purchasing his business.  Please bear in mind that the company who was buying his business was using the same set of financial statements, projections, tax returns and other documents that the business owner had.  They said they would only offer him $150,000.00 cash!  He received a 200% profit because he let them talk first. 

In the weeks ahead, I will share more on negotiation with you, but use these to start.

It is no joke or secret that all of us wnat more than what we have.  Whether it is money, health, business, life/love partner, most of us want more – Including me!  I have been very fortunate because I learned some basic principles.  There are unlimited ways to get from one level to another, but I will share some here that have and still work for me.

1. PRAY about what you want.  What should your prayer be?  For guidance, direction, understanding, wisdom.  Pray and ask that your desires, goals, ambitions and dreams are within God’s will.  Pray for help to achieve what His will is for your life.
2. VISUALIZE who you want to be.  See what you want to do.  You can never be what you cannot see.  Yes, use examples of heroes who reflect your ambitions, but spend time each day visualizing and picturing you in the life that you want.
3. PREPARE & PLAN  for your future.  Prepare yourself mentally.  Success and dream attainment never ends.  When you accomplish one thing, you will find that you cannot rest until you achieve the next thing and the next.  It is worth the effort and the time you spend to learn as much as you can along the way.  You will pay a price for achieving your dream, but everybody has to pay a price, so realize you are not alone.  It is not free!  Plan your steps.  Break it into manageable pieces and time frames so that you can do it, but always know where you are going and how you will arrive.  Always know the steps you will take to get there.  Be pepared to make alterations along the way, but have and implement a detailed, constructive plan of preparation and action. 
4. ATTITUDEThink and act like who you want to be.  Reflect the attitude of success and dream achievement because what you reflect and dream about and think about is what you will get and be.  Don’t say, when I geet there I will act like I am who and what I want to be.  Take it from someone who knows.  What you act like is all you will ever be.
5. MOTIVATE  yourself to go beyond your limits.  Find your encouragement, inspiration, motivation, and personal power, wherever you can.  Even though I can give you a lot oF encouragement and motivation, your greatest motivation is you!  Again, I speak from experience.  I have hundreds of books on courage, motivation, encouragement, success, dreaming and preparing, but my greatest source of motivation is inside of DORMA!!!!
6. PERSEVERE  no matter what.  If success was easy, everybody would do it.  If you did not have to weather storms along the way, everybody would be at the top of the mountain.  If you were never pushed beyond your limits, you would never know what it really takes.  Stand and fight.  Stand and win.  Be still and know that He is God and keep going.
7. START NOW Procrastination is one of the greatest destroyers of dreams and plan.  Tomorrow never comes.  Every day you wake up is today.  Start now.  Every day that you wait, you get further behind.  Everything will never fall in line no matter how long you wait.  Even when you achieve your dream and become the success you want to be, there will still be things that you see how to do better or differently.  Start now.  You can make more money.  You can make more friends.  You can make more connections.  You can make more deals.  You can never make more time.  Start right now.